However, the ramen-eating, panty-collecting game developers were disappointed in the final game script and demo, as it made far too much sense for them to keep track of. Enlisting the help of the afore-mentioned breakdancing combat-autistics, the developers made up a story about a mad scientist who creates bio-monsters and imprisons Earth for no reason. The only hero who can stop him is “Werewolf.” Which werewolf? Well, it’s “Werewolf,” of course. That’s his actual name. That’s like Nintendo naming Mario “Plumber,” Sega naming Sonic “Hedgehog,” and DC Comics naming Superman “Fag” and Ghostrider “Retard Based on Mastubatory Fantasies of D&D Geeks.” All these names are accurate, but they fail to raise these heroes out of their generic who-gives-a-shit-ism. Your parents didn’t name you “Human,” and even if you were one of the last humans on earth, Human still probably wouldn’t become your name, even if you were popular among the post-apocalyptic Mutoids beyond Thunderdome.
Game Developer: "This werewolf character is AWESOME! What are we going to name him?"
Psychotic Autistic Game Developer: "Duh! He’s a werewolf, so his name is Werewolf! If we named him Joey or Tim or whatever, people wouldn’t know what the hell he was."
Game Developer: "But Chewbacca was a wookie, and his name wasn’t Wookie. It was Chewbacca."
Psychotic Autistic Game Developer: "This game isn’t set in space, asshole! Get me my reward-pudding before I cut you in half with my poisonous Pokemon claws!"
His name: Sasquach. Psychotic Autistic Game Developer's Ratings: Fun: Werewolf: The Last Warrior is funner than drawing Sailor Moon, Panty Moon and Stripper Moon on my Trapper Keeper! I know Sailor Moon is a real character, but Panty Moon and Stripper Moon are my own characters! I have 8 other Trapper Keepers with drawings of them. Want to see?
Gameplay: My homo uncle doesn't care about anything I do, so one time he let me hitch up my Powerwheels car to the back of his pickup! He towed me around the soccer field, and I really kicked ass! It was like being in a cyber-world!
Graphics: I can't believe it! I always throw away the lemon and lime Skittles, but today, those are the only ones I want to eat!
Sound: We hired my cousin to do the sound on his keyboard. Did you know he did the sounds for the Indiana Jones movies? Are you calling me a liar?! MOM!!!!!!
Challenge: I've eaten grilled cheese for lunch for the past eight years.
JJMike's Ratings:
Sound: Ten year-old Ennio Moricone on a sugar rush gets his hands on the shittiest Casio keyboard in the universe.
Challenge: The main badguy of Werewolf has surrounded his base with such formidable enemies as bats and clumps of sticks that fly at werewolf and do just as much damage as a swordslash from ninja patrolmen. So you can expect your long, easy ride through this game to be interrupted by the occasional brick walls of near-impossibility. But the funny thing is that these challenging moments are usually due to bad programming rather than a careful construction of genuine difficulties.
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